The C-SPAN Right-wing Loon Call of the Day

Anyway, this right-wing caller was evidently one of those stupid Freepers, because only a Freeper would be stupid enough to think Freepers were interested in fairness. This was further supported by what followed. He sucked another lungful of oxygen and let loose a breathless screed about what he considered the antithetical site, the Democratic Underground, including this amazing comment: "On the Democratic Underground you will find hatred, vitriol, name-calling. Now, this is, this is" — at this point, the clutter of accusations bottlenecked in that skull of his, then broke loose — "this is the party of treason, atheism, and sodomy party, you must remember. . . ." Yes, it was clunky, but that's an exact quote.

Was that funny or what? How stupid does a person have to be, failing to see the hatefulness and vitriol in the name-calling he unleashes in literally the same breath? What a remarkable example of right-wing blind and stupid hatefulness. If there was a museum for such a thing, that man would bear a placard labeled "Duh" beneath his sawdust-filled carcass.

Instead of moving on, he circles back around with same accusations, going on and on, and after failing to cover any new ground, the moderator Peter Slen cuts him off, and says, "Thank you for that call. We'll let our viewers make their own conclusions about those two sites."

What I enjoy about these calls is, as much as the right-wing conservatives try to claim the moral high ground, idiots like this caller come along and prove they don't have it.

When the Need to Blame a Democrat Outweighs Commonsense

Here's a caller with an interesting take on things. We've heard conservatives blaming the Democrats for the high price of fuel these days, right? This is nothing new and the most frequently cited rationale is that the

tree-hugger wing of the Democratic Party won't allow drilling in Anwar. But this man has an altogether brand new take on the situation. After asking the guest — a reporter from The New York Times — a couple of accusatory questions, he completes his call with this dazzling observation on the cause of the gasoline shortage. "We all know," he opines, "that it's the Democrats' fault we have the high cost of fuel right now. They allow the people to go to the drive-up windows, the drive-up banks, the doughnut shop. If they would stop the people from running the kids to school and put them on the bus, we'd have fuel."

Now that's a Republican who's thinking outside the box. How did he reach such an original conclusion? Well, to figure that out, we'll have to think outside the box, too. So picture this. Maybe he's observed a lot of Democrats buying doughnuts in that drive-up window, and overheard the order on the intercom: "Hey, I'd like a dozen of those glazed doughnuts. And please hurry: I'm on my way to cast my vote for Communism."

It is all our fault, you know, this gasoline shortage, and all this driving around. We never saw a drive-up we didn't like. In fact, we're looking to set up drive-up porn pickup, drive-up gay marriage ceremonies, drive-up windows for Chinese spies to pick up our nuclear secrets, and drive-up voting at the Mexican border. These conservatives think they hate us now, but they're really going to hate us the day "In God we trust" disappears off our money, thanks to our drive-up petition to make atheism the state religion. We just love our drive-ups.

All Columns 11/26/06 05/12/06 02/13/06 07/06/05 06/03/05 05/19/05	Free Republic a Truly Free Site? For those unaware of the www.freerepublic.com, let me explain how the site works. The site presents itself as a place for conservative discussion, but conservative is really too mild a term for who actually gathers there. More accurately, it's a nest of bitching and cackling extreme right wingers. I think this is where the right-wing loon callers go after C-SPAN's Washington Journal goes off, where they can snipe undisturbed by concepts like moderation or reality. Here's how the site works. A registered member of the site (also referred to as a "Freeper") posts a news article, or sometimes just the link to one. Then members discuss the article on the board below it, though use of the term "discuss" for what actually goes on there is like calling Bill O'Reilly a pundit. If the posted article reports something negative that can be useful toward liberal bashing (the bulk of the articles), most of the responses consist of single-line quips expressing self-righteous contempt, self-satisfied, absolute, and complete in their pious minds. It's on the level, of "Yeah, serves them right"; or "That'll teach them"; or "Now we're on to them"; or just some other little cutesy doodad. It really never gets much above that level. I'm reminded of a nest of baby dodoes with eager open beaks, too greedy to tell that what they just swallowed was a dab of scat. Now, with that background information accomplished, let's move on to the C-SPAN Right-wing Loon Call of the Day. This motor-mouth wonder from Colorado Springs can't get it out fast enough. The first thing you notice is, what a greasy liar he is, with this claim. He said he likes to take two sites and compare them, to see how they handle discussions. The image he's wanting to project is that he's a completely objective observer, a sage who transcends all this partisan bickering. "And usually what I will do," he blabs, "I will take and put up two screens on my computer so that I can go back and forth and compare." The two sites this wunderkind compares are Free Republic and Democratic Underground. His review of each, delivered in breathy haste, begins with effusive praise for Free Republic, proclaiming it as a haven of freedom and enlightenment: "Now anyone can come in and register. If you're a Democrat or a liberal, or just a complete crazy person, you can come on and state your point and post on Free Republic." What? Wait a second. Did those moderators at Free Republic decide to allow for free thinking? If not, this man is existing in an alternate universe in which liberals took over, because the times I visited Free Republic, they were quite content to let their views — well, not views so much as quips — go unchallenged. In fact, they insist on it. I was kicked off Free Republic twice. In both cases, I had merely inserted relatively moderate responses into the litany of gleefully smug remarks about some Democratic politician. Their own comments were so in lockstep — in perspective, style, and, most importantly, simplicity — it immediately became apparent to the moderator that I was some sort of invader. With all those multiple sentences I was using, clearly my thoughts were too well formed to be a real Freeper. I was outed. And then — presto — I was zapped, my posting privileges revoked. And the moderator was thorough, too. The comments I had already posted were promptly removed, as if by an ideological CDC team, leaving this quarantine notice in the space my polysyllabic words had once occupied: "Post removed by the moderator." It was like a crime scene, an outline where the body had lain before the coroner removed it, and now some first-responder in a biohazard suit is waving a glo-wand to tell the Freepers to keep moving. That happened twice, and it didn't take much to bring it on. It was funny, really. I enjoyed myself. Stirring up the Freepers was like when you were a kid and you clacked a stick on a fence to rile the ill-tempered dog on the other side. That was always fun (except for that time I realized the gate was opened up ahead, and the dog did, too).	Anyway, this right-wing caller was evidently one of those stupid Freepers, because only a Freeper would be stupid enough to think Freepers were interested in fairness. This was further supported by what followed. He sucked another lungful of oxygen and let loose a breathless screed about what he considered the antithetical site, the Democratic Underground, including this amazing comment: "On the Democratic Underground you will find hatred, vitriol, name-calling. Now, this is, this is" — at this point, the clutter of accusations bottlenecked in that skull of his, then broke loose — "this is the party of treason, atheism, and sodomy party, you must remember. . . ." Yes, it was clunky, but that's an exact quote. Was that funny or what? How stupid does a person have to be, failing to see the hatefulness and vitriol in the name-calling he unleashes in literally the same breath? What a remarkable example of right-wing blind and stupid hatefulness. If there was a museum for such a thing, that man would bear a placard labeled "Duh" beneath his sawdust-filled carcass. Instead of moving on, he circles back around with same accusations, going on and on, and after failing to cover any new ground, the moderator Peter Slen cuts him off, and says, "Thank you for that call. We'll let our viewers make their own conclusions about those two sites." What I enjoy about these calls is, as much as the right-wing conservatives try to claim the moral high ground, idiots like this caller come along and prove they don't have it. When the Need to Blame a Democrat Outweighs Commonsense Here's a caller with an interesting take on things. We've heard conservatives blaming the Democrats for the high price of fuel these days, right? This is nothing new and the most frequently cited rationale is that the tree-hugger wing of the Democratic Party won't allow drilling in Anwar. But this man has an altogether brand new take on the situation. After asking the guest — a reporter from The New York Times — a couple of accusatory questions, he completes his call with this dazzling observation on the cause of the gasoline shortage. "We all know," he opines, "that it's the Democrats' fault we have the high cost of fuel right now. They allow the people to go to the drive-up windows, the drive-up banks, the doughnut shop. If they would stop the people from running the kids to school and put them on the bus, we'd have fuel." Now that's a Republican who's thinking outside the box. How did he reach such an original conclusion? Well, to figure that out, we'll have to think outside the box, too. So picture this. Maybe he's observed a lot of Democrats buying doughnuts in that drive-up window, and overheard the order on the intercom: "Hey, I'd like a dozen of those glazed doughnuts. And please hurry: I'm on my way to cast my vote for Communism." It is all our fault, you know, this gasoline shortage, and all this driving around. We never saw a drive-up we didn't like. In fact, we're looking to set up drive-up porn pickup, drive-up gay marriage ceremonies, drive-up windows for Chinese spies to pick up our nuclear secrets, and drive-up voting at the Mexican border. These conservatives think they hate us now, but they're really going to hate us the day "In God we trust" disappears off our money, thanks to our drive-up petition to make atheism the state religion. We just love our drive-ups. Alric Knebel alric@cableone.net
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Free Republic a Truly Free Site?

When the Need to Blame a Democrat Outweighs Commonsense